lyin' in bed just like owen wilson did

Have you heard? Owen Wilson's recent trip to the hospital was an apparent attempted suicide. The few details that have officially been released are in this MSN article.

It makes me sad to think that this funny man could sink so low and feel so down that he wants to take his own life. It makes me sadder to view the horrible cinematic lineup he has slated for the coming months. Working on buddy Vince Vaughn's sloppy seconds. Costarring with Jason Schwartzman? Come on! It's no wonder the guy is depressed.

Where is Jacki Chan when you really need him?

due diligence post

I’m now sharing an office with three people. This has actually been the case for awhile now, but I’ve finally accepted that my fortress of solitude has been breached and it’s time to take action. Don’t get me wrong, they’re all great…er, fine at least. There’s only so much pointless small talk and office banter I can take though. If I’m within earshot of the sales guy saying “due diligence” one more time I can’t be responsible for what I do. 137 times in one day is just too much. And 137 times a day every day is slow, time-released suicide. The phrase is haunting me. I’m waking up in the middle of the night, cold sweat on my brow, worried that I haven’t done my due diligence. What does that even mean!?!

I thought my savior had come in a moment of inspiration. I remembered that I had headphones stuffed in a cabinet somewhere. I don’t bring CDs to work and I don’t have an iPod. That really leaves just one option—streaming.

There are a few problems with this. The first is that there is too much selection out there, too many online stations. The second is that each selection is far too narrow. And the third problem is that the narrow selections are generally pretty bad. All Barry Manilow, all the time. Beatles Mania. (Yes, there is such a thing as too much Beatles.) Hip hop ‘til you drop: Exclusively Hammer.

The one I actually listen to is the 80s station .977. I like 80s music. Men at Work, Divo, HoJo, Cindy Lauper and Salt ‘n Peppa are quintessentially 80s and should all be in the Music Hall of Fame. Heck, I’ll even go for a little Kenny Loggins if I’m feeling dangerous…and a little sentimental…and in the mood to eat Taco Bell with a one-eyed quarterback from Chicago. But why can’t .977 play more than 20 songs? Flashdance is a classic, but if I hear the theme song one more time, Irene Cara’s going to be doing more than dancin’ for her life—she’ll be runnin’ for it because I’ll be chasing her in a postal-esque rage.

Listening to my office mates causes homicidal tendencies, and Prince on repeat doesn’t offer desperately needed solace. So what’s the solution? I’m not sure, but I think it has something to do with finding inner peace through zen meditation…and earplugs.

darron of springfield

Have you seen www.simpsonizeme.com? Burger King (boo) is sponsoring the site to promote the new Simpsons movie (yeah). This is what I'll look like when I appear on The Simpsons.

I'm not going to be on The Simpsons. Would be cool though...unless I was on one of the Halloween ones, which would just be disturbing.

for those of you who missed it

Did you know that you know someone famous...well, who was recently on tv? Yep, Kristen's story about Vonage aired on Colorado 2 News a week ago Thursday.

You can read the article and view the clip here.

snape

Okay world, consider this my Harry Potter coming out post. Not that it's a big secret to the readers of this blog...

Kristen and I recently went to see Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It was great! The reviews from respected critics were mixed, and most said that there was way to much build for such a little and short payoff. I disagree, but then I'm a Potter fan.

In preparation for the movie, Kristen reread book 6. This led to a discussion about whether Severus Snape is basically good or bad. I argue that he's more good than bad. Kristen isn't so sure, but I think she leans my way. Our friend Rebecca seemed repulsed at the idea that Snape could be anything other than the epitome of evil. The girls argued about this for a little while. The debate was passionate, the opponents adamant. Rebecca's husband Evan thinks we're all big geeks. And maybe we are, but we are not alone.

I just happened into this MSN article about this very topic. It doesn't really say anything terribly innovative, but it lends some credibility to our discussion. So Rebecca, check it out and see that we're not alone in our stance. And Evan, read the article and know that even if we're all big dorks, at least you know that there are bigger ones out there. Oh, and if this article isn't enough, I'll tell you about the whole IT department at Wordbank quizzing me about the movie and asking how many copies of the book I pre-ordered.

ouchie

This is one of the most horrific, terrifying and generally fascinating pictures I've ever seen.


Well dude, you get what you get when you run with the bulls. Brilliant.

is this a title?

CCC just posted that Blogger no longer accepts titles. This is my test.

father's day

I had a great Father's Day--my first official. It was comforting to realize that even though I now have a child of my own, and therefore don't have to feel silly for standing in church to receive the Father's Day treat, nothing else is different. I don't mean at home. Lots was different at home. Kristen made me breakfast in bed, took care of the baby, gave me presents and a card and just generally made it feel like a special day. That was wonderful. The part that doesn't change happens outside the house.

It is a well-known fact to members of the church that on Mother's Day there are sentimental talks about the sacredness of motherhood and personal stories of the speaker's own mom. The primary children will file up to the front and serenade their moms with an emotional rendition of Mother, I Love You. All women who are 18 years or older will then receive some kind of thoughtful gift; a flower, book or treat of some description.

It is also well known that on Father's Day, the congregation can expect a service devoted to Fatherhood. It usually takes a different tone however. This year did not disappoint.

The main message of the meeting was that the men in the chapel ought to straighten up and fly right. No kudos for a job well done. No heartwarming stories about dads-gone-by. Just an implicit reprimand, backed up by scripture. I admit that the speaker got misty when speaking of her own father. She choked back a lump in her throat as she told us that her dad never said 'I love you' and never went to a single one of her basketball games. Aww, so sweet.

At long last her talk was over and the children were ushered forward to sing. At least the kids will convey a loving message about their dad's who are sitting within spitting distance, right? Wrong. Instead they sang I Am a Child of God. So, on Father's Day they sang a song about how they have a better dad in Heaven...great. It may have been better to just be spit on.

There was redeeming value in the meeting though. We got cookies.

guest room relegation

Kristen's having a board meeting downstairs with all leaders in the Founders Ward Young Women's Organization. That means that every chair in our house is crammed down into our tiny kitchen. And that means that I'm confined* to the upstairs rooms...without any chairs.

So here I am, kneeling on the floor of the guest room, typing this. Is that dedication or what?

*Kristen told me that I could watch TV downstairs, but somehow I'd feel like a real jerk watching reruns of Friends 10 feet away from the council gathered around my dining table.

a family-friendly game

My baby girl has developed a new game, the rules of which I'm just beginning to understand. It's something we play when I feed her solids. Her mom plays too, but she gets more practice than I do and is much better.

OBJECT
The object of the game is to shovel tiny spoonfuls of pureed food into Emma's mouth as quickly and methodically as possible.

Once you get the right rhythm down, it goes pretty smoothly--Get the food, wipe the spoon, move to mouth, feed. Get the food, wipe the spoon, move to mouth, feed. It helps to repeat this mantra while acting it out.

RULES
If you cannot keep this pace, or if the food is too coarse, or there's too much carrot and not enough apple sauce or if Emma gets distracted by the window then the second round of the game starts--defence.

For every cycle that is off, she sticks two fingers from her right hand into her mouth. When this occurs, the other player is blocked from completing the cycle and must return to the start position of 'get the food.'

OPTIONAL VARIANT
The block may be followed by a typically short, but sometimes lengthy wail directly preceding the 'feed' part of the cycle.

END
The game ends when:
(a) all food has moved from the bowl into the baby's mouth, onto her bib/clothing/face, or onto the floor.
(b) the baby's arm is reflexively drawn into her mouth repeatedly until feeding is no longer possible and fingers are only partially removed for crying.

WARNING
Should scenario (b) occur, please consult the nearest Mother, as she is better equipped to restart and successfully complete the game.