a fish called emma

On a recent vacation to the great state of Utah, I discovered something about my daughter--she's a fish. I arrived at this controversial conclusion after analysing her behavior patterns as they relate to swimming and eating, and by noting other characteristics that are irrefutably fishy.


As you can see in the image (photo courtesy of Cindy Alley and Verizon Wireless), Emma exhibits classic fish-like behavior. She is disturbed by the blinding heat ray drying the moisture off of her. And she LOVES the water. While other children were crying and otherwise being irritating to all patrons of the historic Bountiful bubble, she was serene and comfortable drifting in the current. Kristen took turns with Emma's cousins wading with her through the lazy river for about 40 minutes. She was happy as she could be to feel the temperate water ebb and flow around her.

What other evidence do I have of her being a fish, you ask? Well, there's eating. While on vacation she started eating solid food. Having watched Kristen work to satiate the hunger of a girl possessed--excitedly screaching and flailing with enthusiasm for food--and having fed her a few times myself, I'm confident that Emma would eat herself to death, if allowed, just like a fish. (Were there enough commas in that last sentence?) Seriously, this girl can put it away. Feeding her would not be nearly so much work if she wouldn't grab hold of the spoon and jam it into the back of her throat with all the force her tiny arms can muster.

Speaking of baby spoons, what an amazing idea! The end of the spoon, the part that goes in your mouth, is insulated in rubber. This rubber end serves two purposes. Not only is it safe for just such a circumstance as I described above, but it is a useful squeegee to get food off of kids' faces. Why don't they make these for adults? We have adult diapers, and I think it's high time we had insulated adult spoons too.

Anyway, by the time Emma is finished with her double portion of rice cereal she looks like she's about to pop. Honestly, her stomach is completely distended. Fortunately she's a 5 month old baby, and big ol' bellies are cute at that age. It still looks painful though. If I looked like that after a meal I'd have to lay down for two or three days until I could sweat it off. She, on the other hand, seems disappointed that there's no more. She'd definitely eat herself to death.

The final point that I'd like to make in my assertion that my baby is a fish is this, she is very slippery when wet. I have experienced this first hand when bathing her...and nearly dropping her 4 feet to the tile floor. She gets all squirmy and slimy from the soap and water. Have you ever tried to catch a fish with your bare hands? It's exactly the same thing. Now I know what you're thinking. So what! Pigs are slippery when they are all wet and soapy too. But think of my other support. That's right, more support that she's a fish. Besides, look at this picture and tell me she's a pig, I dare you.